Friday – Saturday: Freaks, Shrieks & Beats! 4th Annual Bash

Get your freak on, Halloween bitches! And these guys aren't waiting until Halloween night to start the partay either. Hells no. Get your costumed butts to John Colins on Friday night as well as Saturday (just car camp in the nearby parking lot if you don't want to drive twice). Wait, don't drive, cab it, taxi it, bus it, hitchhike, whatever or bring a DD and tear it up! OK, enough of the PSA. Colins is a fun venue and the crowd should be cool. They of course have drink deals, costume contests and some fierce beats.

What: Freaks, Shrieks & Beats! 4th Annual Bash
When: Fri & Sat 5p-2a
Where: John Colins Lounge, 90 Natoma (@ 2nd)
Cost: No Cover

Friday: Post-Season Happy Hour

You didn't really think the Giants would still be playing ball, did ya? Please say no. Hope is one thing, delusion is quite another. Anyhoo, unless you live under a rock, ya know baseball season is still going on, and our beloved Yankees need all your love to beat the snot outta those low-life (and jealous) bastards in Philly. 

So really this isn't 'post season' just post season for the 28 (or however many) teams didn't make it to the series. So don't be a hater, get out and root your fave (or team you hate least) on to victory at Acme Chophouse. Why? Well, it's in the bottom of Pac Bell Park so the whole baseball vibe is strong, and they have $5 appetizers, $3 draft beers and other wine and cocktail specials. 

What: Post-Season Happy Hour
When: 4:30p-6:30p
Where: Acme Chophouse (@ Pac Bell Park)
Cost: No cover

Saturday: Ghoulish Gala at The Legion of Honor

Yes, another Halloween party. WTF else do you think is going on this weekend? I mean, besides the World Series and the Oregon Ducks- USC Trojans game. I mean, the bitch smack down the Ducks hopefully issue those silver-spoon sucking Trojans. I mean, isn't that a rubber?

Anyway, back to the Ghoulish Gala. Makes me shiver in fright just typing it. This is a pretty cool combo event: A wild, and semi-creepy exhibition at The Legion of Honor with all these mummies and dead folk, with a bunch of crazy costumed-out freaks drinking and getting a little culture while they're at it. There's drinking, history, dancing and noshing all in a very cool setting.

Rule: Wear a costume or get bounced at the door. 

What: Ghoulish Gala at The Legion of Honor
When: 8p
Where: The Legion of Honor
Cost: $65-85
Contact: (415) 750-3600

Sunday: Breakfast In Bed Halloween After-Party

OK, so you made it through Halloween in one piece, it's no time to get lazy and sleep. Keep the party going, kittens! But in this odd, 'roll up the sidewalks early and don't open them again until noon' city that we love, besides a house party where do you do it? No, not Gino & Carlos. Not this time around anyway.

Where then? Supperclub. This unique place is gonna be spinning some tunes that'll get, or keep, your blood flowing, as well as serving up bevvies and munchies from 5 AM. We think the people watching will be stellar. Oh yeah, and they have beds! Reserve now. BYOT (Bring your own plastic tarp).

What: Breakfast In Bed Halloween After-Party
When: 5a-10a (drinks start at 6a)
Where: Supperclub, 657 Harrison (betw 2nd and 3rd)
Cost: $10-250
Contact: (415) 348-0900

We have a virtual cornucopia of events for ya this weekend, and it'd make for a very eclectic weekend if you hit them all! At least pick 2.

Friday – Saturday 30th Annual Exotic Erotic Ball & Expo

Sure, I attended this wild event back in the day, when it was still held at the Concourse in SoMa. And yes, I dressed in a somewhat unusual costume (thankfully pre-digital cameras), got my ass kicked by some hater and my car stolen. But do I hold a grudge? Hells no! Why let a couple bad apples ruin the whole barrel, as they say.

You, dear reader, may have an absolute blast.

And something to note: the 30th Anniversary is considered the “pearl” anniversary,  so we reckon' there may be lots of necklaces being given.

What: 30th Annual Exotic Erotic Ball & Expo
Where: Cow Palace, Daly City
When: Expo: Fri 4p-12a, Sat 6p-12a; Ball: Saturday 8p-2a
Cost: $69 – $150 (VIP)
Contact: (415) 567-BALL

Friday: Big Guns Cabernet Tasting

Skip outta work early, mount your trusty steed, strap on your holster pardner, and prepare for a buckin', bronkin' Cabernet tasting. No, Ladera isn't going to be there, I just liked the image. Anyhoo, you're likely to get a buzz, some blood red teeth and, oh yeah, taste some pretty killer Cabs from the likes of Dalla Valle, Grace Family (yum!), Opus One (overpriced but a good Bordeaux style blend. Kinda 'barnyard' for us though), Revana Familly, Shafer Hillside (their Select rocks), Spottswoode and Vineyard 29.

What: Big Guns Cabernet Tasting
Where: 1321 Main St., St. Helena
When: Fri 5:30p-7:30p
Cost: $40

Saturday: Cindy Pawlcyn Cooking Demo @ CUESA

OK, we're NOT gonna talk about the butter churning and cotton spinning at this CUESA event (that happens at 10a, so if you are reading this please just sleep in). We ARE gonna talk about a free cooking demo by none other than Cindy Pawlcyn (love that she didn't go for that pedestrian 'Paulson' spelling. Bravo!), of well-known Mustards Grill, the hot Go Fish and quaint Cindy's Backstreet Kitchen up in Napa wine country. Oh yeah, and she was a Top Chef Masters contestant. That sickeningly nice (and talented) Rick Bayless won, although she put up a decent fight. The cooking demo happens at 11a. Go. It's free and rumor is there'll be samples.

What: Cindy Pawlcyn Cooking Demo @ CUESA
Where: Ferry Building
When: Sat 11a-12p
Cost: Free!
Contact: (415) 291-3276

Saturday: Bring Your Own Queer

We really don't know what this is all about. We do not know if you really have to attend with a BLGT (no, not a BLT) individual. We do not know if they have some type of test of queerness, or if they do the Don't Ask Don't Tell policy…All we know is it's in Golden Gate Park, it's gonna be nice weather, they have lots of bands with cool names like Rainbow Death Pony and Honey Sound System, it's free and most likely a hoot. Nobody can queer it up like SF!

What: Bring Your Own Queer
Where: Music Concourse Band shell, Golden gate Park
When: Sat 12p-5p
Cost: Free!

Friday : Slick Rick LIVE!

AKA Ricky Walters, ya gotta love this rapper. Or not. We do! Whatever, this bad mo-fo will rock ya but good. I mean, who couldn't rejoice in La Di Da Di with Doug E Fresh?! A classic for the ages. And this guy is a character. Seriously. I mean, look up 'checkered past' in Webster's and this crazy bastard's picture will pop up. Guaranteed! But he's never boring ya gotta give him that. Who cares if he shot a couple people, Russell Simmons (bailed him out) and Gov. David Patterson D-NY (pardoned him) got his back. 

What: Slick Rick Live!
Where: Atmosphere (447 Broadway near Montgomery)
When: 8p
Cost: $5+ (no kidding!)
Contact: (415) 788-4623

Friday: 3rd Annual WhiskeyFest 2009

200 whiskeys, fine grub and pretty people (or at least, pretty drunk people). What's missing in this picture? You, loser! This is your big chance to 'sample' some whiskey ya might never have a chance to otherwise. Ya might even learn a thing or two about the ins and outs of distillation. And if whiskey isn't your bag, man, they'll also be serving up beer, tequila and more. Plus snacks, AKA soakage.

What: 3rd Annual WhiskeyFest
Where: SF Marriott Hotel (55 Fourth St)
When: 6:30p-9:30p
Cost: $110-150

Saturday – Sunday: Treasure Island Music Fest

So if you are in SF and have East Bay Phobia like us, test yourself a little with a trip…1/2 way across the bay. It's not technically the EB, it's the T-I bitches! And our bud Elliot will treat you like an old family member once you arrive. Just look for the short adorable guy swilling Fernet. It goes both days so bring your tent and sleeping bags! Wait. Not sure if camping is permitted. Well, it was just an idea, take it or leave it. There's no parking allowed, so ferry it, taxi it, swim it or parachute in. The site below details some of your options. Some of the highlights? The Flaming Lips, Beirut, The Decemberists, and oodles more.

What: Treasure Island Music Fest
Where: Treasure Island
When: 12p-onward
Cost: $65-250

Sunday: Nike Women's SF Marathon

Well, if you're running this race, ya prolly don't need a reminder. And if you're just hearing about it here…ya need to get out more often. Plus, it's a little late to start training now. But for all you wannabe runners, or joggers who just don't have 26.2 miles in your legs. Or lungs. Or brain. Get out there and cheer these women on! And knowing San Francisco as we do, this 'Women's' Marathon could include a few gender-benders as well*. It's never dull in SF.

The route starts at Union Square and ends at The Great Highway and is a cool route this year, going through Aquatic Park, Ghirradelli Square then through the Presidio and Golden Gate Park ending at the lovely Pacific ocean. Meaning there's lotsa cool sights in addition to cheering on the ladies.

*OK, OK,of course any gender can run in this as well! And there's also a 1/2 marathon and a walk so even the most pathetic lazy slacker (you?) has no excuse (except for wanting to sleep in) to not take part.

What: Nike Women's Marathon
Where: Union Square
When: 7a
Cost: $100

Friday – Sunday: Oktoberfest By The Bay

Get yer German on all weekend long, Zig Heil! Hey, Germans are a blast to make fun of! You know. Lederhosen. Bratwurst. Beer guts. World Domination. Their love of David Hasselhoff. Anyhoo, this is the 10th annual Oktoberfest here in sunny SF, and we know you’re hankerin’ for some schnitzel and borscht. And some of that groovin’ German love music. There’s gonna lotsa babies conceived after this brew-ha. Burt seriously. Well, semi-seriously. Oktoberfest rocks. And this will be fun – lotsa German brews, some light German canapé, and plenty singing & dancing.

What: Oktoberfest By The Bay
Where: Pier 48 (Mission Bay)
When: 12p-6p
Cost: $35
Contact: (800) 746-7522

Saturday: LovEvolution

Well hello there, sexy. Want me to show you the evolution of love? It’ll blow your mind. Oh yeah. That was in my Al Green voice, OK? Ha. Hey, this whole Love Parade stuff started in Berlin (JHC, more German references) years ago and has morphed into LovEvolution. Obviously they hired marketers. This gig is billed as America’s biggest dance music event. Even bigger than Dancing With The Stars! It all starts with a parade (with floats!) then ends at Civic Center where the whole damn thing transforms into a rave! Hmm. Not so sure about that but there’ll be lotsa bands, food, bevvies and free sex (just thinkin’). Anyhoo, this event is chick full of happy, chill people that all just want to get along.

What: LovEvolution
Where: 2nd & Howard to Civic Center
When: 12p-8p
Cost: $10

1st Annual A Taste of Fillmore

Hey do not miss the 1st Annual of this event. You’ll be able to tell your grand kids about it. This is all about celebrating Fillmore’s neighborhood restaurants and boutiques. There’ll be some chef demonstrations, a fashion show and plenty (OK, plenty for only being 1 block long) of food and bevvies to enjoy. And Fillmore is one of the coolest parts of town, so make a buzzed afternoon of it.

What: A Taste of Fillmore
Where: Fillmore St (between Pine & California)
When: 12p-5p
Cost: $0-$20 (free to roam, $20 to drink and eat)

Saturday: All-star Comedy Jam with D.L. Hughley

That witty, zany, and diminutive dude Shaquille O’Neal will be MC’ing this side-splitting laugh fest. Or it’ll be like witnessing a 20-car pileup – it’s horrifying but you can’t take your eyes off it. I dunno, it’s a toss up. D.L. can be a funny dude although he sometimes laughs too much at his own jokes. But hey, there’ll prolly be some funny bits and it is fun to watch live stand-up. Wow, we sold that event hard didn’t we?

What: All-star Comedy Jam with D.L. Hughley
Where: The Warfield
When:9p
Cost: $40+
Contact: (800) 745-3000

Sunday: Bridge To Bridge Run

Get out there and run, you fat ass! Oops. We mean, get out there and experience all the beauty San Francisco has to offer! (fat ass). Ha. This is a cool little scamper, a run/walk from, well, we’ll call it the Bay Bridge to stick with the B-B theme but it’s actually the Ferry Building to Parade Grounds in The Presidio. So yeah, not exactly Bay Bridge to Golden Gate Bridge but we’ll cut them some slack. This time. You’ll at least be able to see both bridges at some point during the course. Unless it’s foggy. Then all bets are off. So get yer exercise outta the way early so you can party like a pig the rest of the day. It all benefits the Special Olympics which makes it even cooler.

What: Bridge To Bridge Run
Where: Ferry Building
When: 9a
Cost: $25-45

Thursday: VIN 12 Presents Napa in Autumn

These are cool events, VIN 12 puts them on monthly and does a rockin' god job of it too. This month, there'll be about 50 or so Napa wines represented by about 20 or so wineries. Not enough for ya? Well there's food too. And there's artwork on display from Hang Art in downtown SF. And there's a trunk show. Whatever, let's get back to those 50+ wines from the likes of Barber Cellars, Eden Canyon, Flora Springs Charles Krug and more. Bonus: they attract a very attractive crowd. Go!

What: VIN 12 Presents Napa in Autumn
Where: 55 Second St. (The Solarium)
When: 5p-9:30p
Cost: $26.50
Contact: (415) 756-6542

Friday: Craig Ferguson Live

This'll be way better than Craig Ferguson that time he was a dead carcass. Guaran-f'ing-teed. At least in our opinions. This dude is the f'ing funniest late night guy goin'. He might just be the funniest guy overall. Him and…Damn I'm ashamed to admit it…I resisted as long as I could…Dane Cook. There. I said it. That's right. Wait! Add Eddie Izzard to that list too. Anyhoo, Ferguson is insane, silly and self-deprecating all rolled into one big Scot. He's into puppets lately so maybe he'll break out the dragon (I think it's a dragon?) too. Oh yeah, he just wrote a book called American on Purpose so he'll be plugging that a bit as well.

What: Craig Ferguson Live
Where: Palace of Fine Arts (3301 Lyon St)
When: 8p
Cost: $20 (only $20?!)
Contact: (415) 392-4400

Friday-Sunday: SF20 Modernism Show + Sale

This is a cool show to roam around. Tons of exhibits and art and overall cool stuff to browse and buy. There's dozens of exhibitors from all over the world descending on our fair city, showing off decorative and fine arts from all the various movements of the 20th century. Ya might even learn something! 

What: SF20 Modernism Show + Sale
Where: Fort Mason Festival Pavilion (Buchanan & Marina)
When: Fri-Sat 11a-7p, Sun 12p-5p
Cost: $15

Sunday: Now & Zen Fest

I never really understood the Zen part of this, and I'm a Zen Master. Hey, there's nothing wrong with trying to hook into some zen-ness, and they have a decent, though not rock-star line up, for this years concert. I'll stop the run-on sentence there. The line-up features local boys Train (does 'Drops of Jupiter' ring a bell? ), Dashboard Confessional ('Stolen', 'Don't Wait'), Howie Day (who? 'Be There') and Colbie Caillat (I abhor her. Don't know why. Well, yes I do but I'm not going to get into it here.) Anyhoo, live, outside shows are always a hoot. Bring some friends, down some bevvies, ignore the tunes ya don't like and perk up for the ones ya do and do some people watching.

What: Now & Zen Fest
Where: Sharon Meadow, Golden Gate Park
When: 12p-5p
Cost: Free

Sunday: 26th Annual Folsom Street Fair

Oh boy. Here we go again. We saved the best for last. The Folsom Street Fair is hands-down (I resisted the urge to insert a different body part there) the best street fair in SF. Maybe the world! Y'know the best thing about this freak-fest? All the Prince Albert's? Nah. Ball gags? Come on! A giant hairy dude holding a midget upside down to give him a BJ? Tame. It's the looks of horror from the random tourists who thought 'Hey a street fair, sounds like a fun way to spend the afternoon in SF with the kids!' Priceless.

What: Folsom Street Fair
Where: Hmmm. Take a guess. (betw 7th @ 12th)
When: 11a-6p
Cost: $7 voluntary donation. It actually goes to some good charites.

Friday: Halfsy Hour @ Zinnia

Those friendly folks at Zinnia are out there to help ya get through these rough economic times with 'Halfsy Hour', not just this Friday but every weeknight. Woo Hoo! Whatdya get? 1/2 price bevvies including specialty cocktails, wines by the glass and brewski.

What else? You want more?! OK then, 1/2 portions of Chef O'Brien's signature dishes like Roasted Black Cod (Q. Hey what's a portion of cod called? A. A Codpiece!. Oh, man I just love that word), Seared Gnocchi and Braised Short Ribs.

Caveat: This is a bar-only promotion, and doesn't apply to the restaurant. Wouldn't affect us much!

What: Halfsy Hour at Zinnia
Where: 500 Jackson, Jackson Square
When: Weeknights 5p-7p
Cost: (415) 956-7300

Saturday: 2nd Annual 'A Taste of South Beach'

The Giants are in the road, oops I mean on the road, so that means our little SoMa 'hood reverts back to it's quaint, laid-back vibe. The 2nd Annual Taste is pretty laid back too, and although the person who is semi-organizing it is a complete d-hag, there's some good restaurants and bars taking part of this fest, located smack-dab in the middle of cute, cool South Park.

What's in it for you, ya greedy bastard? Not 1, not 2, nope, not even 3 but a whopping 4 live bands, some good grub from the likes of Bacar, Brickhouse, MoMo's, Paragon, Lil Skillet and more, and thirst-quenching bevvies from locals like 21st Amendment Brewery, O'Niells Irish Pub, Pete's Tavern, District Wine Bar and then some.

What: 2nd Annual Taste of South Beach
Where: South Park (betw 2nd & 3rd and Bryant & Brannan)
When: Saturday 12p-6p
Cost: $10 'donation' to several non-profits

Saturday: 6th Annual North Beach Bar Run

From South Park to North Beach. Hey, 6 years running. Way to go, NoBe Bar Run. You just gave A Taste of South Beach a serious inferiority complex. So this is SFs biggest bar crawl, and last year attracted something like 1,000 drunken slobs just like you. 

You'll crawl at least 14 or so bars including classics like Tony Niks, Savoy Tivoli, Royale, Gino & Carlo and more. Each place is offering some pretty decent drink specials and discounts.

Plus it helps raise doh-ray-me for Project Night Night (no that's not for you after passing out in the gutter on Columbus Street), it is a charity that supports homeless tykes.

What: 6th Annual North Beach Bar Run
Where: North Beach, genius. OK, Starts at Norhstar Cafe (Powell & Green)
When: Saturday 4p
Cost: $6
Contact: (415) 515-5222

Saturday: Il Trovatore at Pac Bell Park

Hey make it a double header! If you hit the A Taste of South Beach fest, stroll over to the ball park for some serious culture. And prolly a culture shock after that crowd in South Park. I mean, what is there not to like about Il Trovatore, anyway? Hell we don't have a clue either so we looked it up. There's suspense, a corrupt Count (aren't hey all?), a dashing warrior and best of all…a Gypsy! Love them Gypsies.

This is a simulcast of the live performance at the Opera Hall. If you pre-register you can get better seating although there is also first-come seating on the field. Your choice.

What: Il Trovatore at Pac Bell Park
Where: Pac Bell Park, Say Hey Field…we refuse to call it by it's official name
When: Saturday 8p
Cost: Free!
Contact: (415) 864-3330

Saturday – Sunday: 1st Annual Sonoma Valley Crush

It's kinda hard to put a 1st 'annual' moniker on something that's never happened before. Kind of supremely confident, aren't we? Well, here's your chance to get in on the ground floor and say You Were There When. Something you can bore your miserable kids about someday.

Anyhoo, this should be a cool event. Why, you challenge? It's in Sonoma. Sonoma is fan-f'ing-tastic. It's gonna be warm up there. There's wine (duh). And if ya want you can even get your hands (and maybe feet!) dirty by getting in there and doing a little grape crushing.

Some of the participating wineries include: Ledson, Adler Fels, Imagery, St. Francis and lots more.

What: 1st Annual Sonoma Valley Crush
Where: Various participating wineries
When: Saturday & Sunday 11a-4p
Cost: $30

Friday: Artist Rex Ray Opening Exhibition & Reception

We love Rex Ray. He's super talented plus not all artsy-fartsy weird or stuck up. Just all-in-all a pretty cool seeming guy. Hey I'm not telling you to go on a camping trip with him for a week, we only met him briefly at a Rex Ray exhibition awhile ago. We even won one of his pieces (and I don't mean 'pieces' in a derogatory tone) in a waffle.

Anyhoo, he just has a great, unique and fun style that makes ya happy. And this guy is big-time! His art gets snapped up by big-name museums and collectors and he's been retained (is that the right word for this?) by other artists including David Bowie, Radiohead and that freak Björk for album covers and posters.

But not even VdV can say it (or spray it) as well as Sydney Payton, former director of Denver's MCA, describes Ray’s
work: "It exudes beauty with a subversive edge that stems from an
attitude grounded in alternative subculture. He was an early admirer of
punk and new wave music. Music holds a special place in his life…Drawing inspiration
from his acknowledged influences— organic and hard-edged abstraction,
pattern and textile design, and Op Art—Ray playfully combines these
formalist concepts, gracefully bridging the gap between fine and
applied art…"

Wow. We need to take lessons in art-speak!

What: Rex Ray Opening Exhibition
Where: Gallery 16 (501 3rd St)
When:  6p-9p
Contact: (415) 626-7495
Cost: Free admission but the art'll cost ya

Saturday: The Killers

Big weekend at Shoreline with these guys and the Blink 182 + Weezer  + Chester French show Sunday! The (gay? Just curious) boys from Vegas spew talent, and with their late 2008 release of Day & Age, their 4th album, they keep on keepin' on. With epic tracks like Mr. Brightside and Smile Like You Mean It to newer cuts from Day & Age including Human and Spaceman, they'll blow ya away. They'll kill ya. Plus they sound good live. Check out StubHub for tix.

What: The Killers
Where: Shoreline Ampitheatre, Mountain View
When: 7:30p
Contact: (415) 939-1943
Cost: $20+

Saturday – Sunday: Brews On The Bay

Chase down a couple Dramamine with your choice of over 40 top-notch brewskis from local establishments including 21st Amendment, Speakeasy, Thirsty Bear, Magnolia, Beach Chalet, Gordon Biersch and SF Brewing Company.

No worries you sea sick scalawags! The ship SS Jeremiah O'Brien is permanently docked at Pier 45, so if ya get a little queasy (of course not from your beer intake) or can't find your sea legs you can always hit dry land.

In addition to all that beer! there'll be some live music, dee-lish Ribs from Oola Restaurant  and more mayhem than you can shake a stick at. 

What: Brews On The Bay
Where: Jeremiah O'Brien Liberty Ship (Pier 45 at Taylor St)
When: Sat 12p-5p, Sun 1p-5p
Contact: (415) 939-1943
Cost: $40

Sunday: Opera in the Park

If you want a nice, civilized break from all that mayhem, take a break and head to Golden Gate Park for a little culture on Sunday. Frisbees will give way to falsettos, blankets will be accompanied by
baritones and moms with strollers will hobnob with maestros in Golden
Gate Park as San Francisco Chronicle Presents Opera in the Park.

Who's gonna be belting out the vocals? Stars like With fall season stars, including Sondra Radvanovsky, Brandon Jovanovich,  WAIT. Let's not waste our time pretending we all know who all thee people are. You have never heard of them and I have no patience to type. OK?

Suffice it to say these people have sick talent, Golden Gate Park is gorgeous, it's free! and what a nice way to spend a little time on Sunday. Opera soothes the soul, people. Give it a go! Yes, they will be selling booze there.

What: Opera in the Park
Where: Sharon Meadow, Golden Gate Park (near Kezar Drive)
When: 1:30p-5p
Contact: (415) 864-3330
Cost: Free!

Sunday: Blink 182 + Weezer + Chester French

We are so f'ing happy this trio (we're talkin' Blink, not the 3 bands above) got their shit together and got the group back together. Hope they're as good as they were back in the day. They haven't released an album since their Greatest Hits in '05 and those don't really count. But ya gotta love their raw sound, clever lyrics and overall spunk. And acquaint your bad self with Chester French, a hot new band led by a couple Harvard dudes. Don't hold that against them, they can Lay It Down, kittens. Plus Weezer is a fun live show as well so I think this show gets the VdV guarantee of a rockin' good time.

Check out StubHub for tix.

What: Blink 182 + Weezer + Chester French
Where: Shoreline Ampitheatre, Mountain View
When: 7:00p
Contact: 
Cost: $25+

Friday – Sunday: Sonoma Wine Country Weekend

Unlike from Quagmire from Family Guy, these guys include the 'o' in Country. If ya saw that episode, you'll get it. If not, you'll probably get it too but just not laugh much. So even though this event is put on by those Nazis at EJ Gallo, it'll still be fun. I mean, Gallo is like a fun sponge. But once a year they dust it off and sponsor a decent par-tay. And not to worry dozens of non-Gallo wineries are participating. There's winemaker lunches and dinners and a big 'ol auction culminating the event on Sunday. It'll be a rockin' good time!

What: Sonoma Wine Country Weekend
Where: Sonoma, stupid. Several venues check the www
When: Fri 12:3op-6p; Sat 11a-6p; Sun 11a-6p
Contact: (800) 939-7666
Cost: $75+

 Friday – Saturday: Kathy Griffin

This bitch can throw it down, kittens. She can cut. And she sure as hell isn't near as nice and sugar-cookie sweet as this pic, so be prepared. Like a Boy Scout. This is the Madame of Mockery. The Damsel of Dissing. The Countess of …..you get it. And we can't print it. So she's gracing SF with her presence for not 1, but 2 shows this weekend and if you've ever seen My Life On The D List or She'll Cut A Bitch, she's pretty funny.

What: Kathy Griffin Live!
Where: 201 Van Ness Ave – Davies Symphony Hall
When: Fri 8p; Sat 7p
Cost: $55+

 Sunday: Sunday Streets Ocean Beach

Tired of all that good weather? Ready to bust out the parka and condition yourself for the slopes this winter? Then this is your event. Hey I'm no Al Roker but something tells me by Sunday it may be a might chilly out that way. Hope I'm wrong. Like Al Roker.

Enjoy a car-free time as they block cars on the Great Highway, so you can roam around, bike around, enjoy the Mighty Pacific Ocean, hang ten, you name it. Check out to the zoo, the beach, the this, the that. And imbibe on some good bevvies.

What: Sunday Streets Ocean Beach
Where: The Great Highway
When: 10a-2p
Cost: Free you cheap bastards

Sunday: Summer Sundays @ Mars Bar

No not Ice Cream Sundaes silly. Put down the pipe. So if you're in the mood for a little SoMa mayhem, c'mon down, bitches! What to expect, you ask? An f'ing smack-down if you ask again, that's what! There'll be a couple bands crankin' out some tunes, drink specials and a cool outdoor patio scene. This gig attracts a pretty eclectic gang and is always fun.

What: Summer Sundays @ Mars Bar
Where: 798 Brannan (@ 7th)
When: 1p-sundown
Contact: (415) 621-6277
Cost: $10 cover

Monday: SF Giants Baseball

The boys are back! And as much as I typically couldn't give a rat's ass about this sport ever since I left the minor leagues, what better way to celebrate your day off than with a game at the
ballpark? OK, sure. I can think of a few too, but the season is coming to an end, our home-town Giants are in a dog-fight for the wild card and if this sport can't get exciting now, when can it? I mean, it's usually like watching grass grow. But now there's high-stakes pressure, so add some by going out there and screaming alcohol-fueled insults at the players. Now that's entertainment!

Grab some garlic fries, a bacon-wrapped hot dog several pints of beer and root these sucker on to the playoffs! Look for us in our VdV gear.

What: SF Giants vs. SD Padres
Where: Pac Bell Park. That's right.
When: 1:05p
Cost: $12-1000. Check out StubHub or any random scalper. Don't worry, they'll find you.

Friday – Sunday: Outside Lands Music & Art Festival

The event of the weekend. With headliners like Pearl Jam (Friday), Dave Matthews Band (Saturday) and Tenacious D (Sunday) you'll…WAIT! What was that? Tenacious D?! Jack F'ing Black?! WTF, that's the best they could do to replace Beastie Boys?? Anyhoo, best wishes to Adam Yauch A.K.A. MCA on beating his cancer.

This year they do have a pretty decent line-up, including Incubus & Thievery Corporation on Friday, Black-Eyed Peas and Marz Volta on Saturday (we hope the Peas sound better live than last time we heard them), and M.I.A. and Modest Mouse on Sunday. Plus the weather is supposed to be good to boot!

What: Outside Lands Music & Art Festival
Where: Golden Gate Park
Cost:$89.50 single day, $225.50 3 day (VIP extra)

Friday – Sunday: Eat Real Fest

If you're in that East Bay mood, head on over to JLS for a 3-day extravaganza of street food, 40+ local brews, music, and local fruits and veggies. There'll also be chef demonstrations, dance performances and food competitions. It's free to roam around and pretty cheap to grab bites and beers. Plus all proceeds benefit People’s Grocery, La Cocina and Community Alliance with Family Farmers.

What: Eat Real Fest
Where: Jack London Square, Oakland
When: Fri 4p-9p; Sat 10a-9p; Sun 10a-5p
Cost: Free admission (food $1-5, Beer Shed $20)

Friday: Art for AIDS 2009

Great art. Great cause. Enjoy some tasty food and wine and whip out that wallet to bid on over 135 modern and contemporary art pieces, pitting yourself against nearly 500 other patrons of the arts. Sound exciting? 

And a bonus – In addition to benefiting UCSF AIDS Health Project, they're pouring FREE Ketel One Cosmos all night!

Auction starts at 6:45 sharp, so you'll have over an hour to mingle, sip (yeah right, sip!) some Cosmos and get your auction swerve on!

What: Art for AIDS
Where: Bonham & Butterfields Auction House – 220 San Bruno Ave (@15th)
When: 5:30p-9p
Contact: (415) 502-7276
Cost: $75

Saturday & Sunday: Summer Seafood BBQ @ Nettie's

Hey, Summer is winding down. Which means it'll soon start to get sunny in SF! Those crazy folks @ Nettie's will be grilling Oysters, Fish Tacos, even peaches (will they stop at nothing?!) right on the patio on Union Street. So get yer butt down there to mange on some tasty BBQ treats, drink a few bevvies and, as always on Union Street, dodge (or make fun of) some d-bags. Sounds like a party to us!

What: Summer Seafood BBQ @ Nettie's
Where: 2032 Union Street
When: 12p-5p
Contact: (415) 409-0300
Cost: Depends how much you eat!

We want to see all of you out and about this weekend. We're watching!

Friday – Sunday Sausalito Film Festival

Admit it, we can all use some more culture. And isn't it cool party conversation to drop that you just saw a screening of a hot new short or documentary? Well, here's your chance, so head on over to sunny…OK beautiful at least…Cavallo Point at the foot of the GG Bridge this weekend for some. Culture, that is. Hit a 'Special Secret Screening Party' (some tickets still remain) that so secret even we at VdV don't have full details!

What: Sausalito Film Festival
Where: Cavallo Point, 601 Murray Circle Fort Baker
When: Friday – Sunday
Cost: $12 per film at the door; special events cost more
Contact: (415) 887-9506

Saturday SF Street Food Festival

This is the 'other' street fair that occurs on Folsom Street. Meaning, no (or at least fewer) Prince Alberts than the one coming up in September. This Street Fest is all about good street food, and there's also a beer & cocktail garden, as well as music and street art to be had as well. And the kicker – proceeds benefit La Cocina, which supports 'food entrepreneurs' mainly women from culturally diverse and immigrant communities. So go make a pig out of yourself and get a warm and fuzzy for supporting a good cause. It's a win-win.God I hate myself for using that phrase…

What: SF Street Food Festival
Where: La Cocina (Folsom betw. 25th & 26th)
When: Saturday, 11a-7p
Cost: Free admission; $20-150 depending on your hunger
Contact: (415) 824.2729 x 303

Sunday – Perry's 40th Anniversary Block Party

My how time flies. Perry, ya don't look a day over 60. So help celebrate the success of a very cool guy and an SF Institution. Head to the original Perry's location on Union Street for all the festivities – celebrity bartenders, live music, good food and drink, and it being Union Street at least 1/2 a chance for a random hookup. If that's what you're into, that is. So dodge the d-bags and go!

What: Perry's 40th Anniversary Block Party
Where: Perry's on Union, 1944 Union St @ Buchannan
When: Sunday, 11a-5p
Cost: Free admission (no that doesn't mean the drinks are free, fool)

Sunday – Family Winemakers 2009 Tasting

Talk about WeekendBuzz. Roam, try not to stumble, around Fort Mason and quaff…I mean sample…wines from about 1,000,000 wineries. OK, maybe not that many, but more than enough. Seriously 75+, and some quality ones you've prolly heard of and lots of boutique producers you'll have a chance to try out. Do not miss: Dutton Goldfield Winery's Zinfandel. Last tip: Swirl. Sniff. Sip. Do not spit. Repeat.

What: Family Winemakers 2009 Tasting
Where: Festival Pavillon @ Fort Mason
When: Sunday, 3p-6p
Cost: $50
Contact: (877) 772-5425

All of us at VdV hope you have an awesome weekend and hit at least one of these cool events. As always if you know of any hot happenings comin' up
let us know!