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House of Prime Rib

1906 Van Ness Ave

San Francisco , CA 

(415) 885.4605

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VdV Rating: 3.5

Food:   Steakhouse

Ambiance:  Old School

Service:  Www.houseofprimerib.net

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PRO: Damn good Prime Rib & old school feel
CON: If ya want Filet or Rib Eye you’re screwed!

How do we roll on Cinco de Mayo? By strappin’ on the feedbag and digging into an age-old Mexican delicacy, Prime Rib, bitches. OK, OK stop the hating. We love Mexico and Mexicans and did indeed do a couple shots of Clasa Azul beforehand, so shut your pie-holes. We represented. Yee haw!

So if you’re gonna do Prime Rib in SF, ya gotta do it right and go to the In-N-Out Burger of Prime Rib, The House of Prime Rib itself.

I am a big fan of ‘do one thing and do it right’, and although I am waaayy too A.D.D. to follow that sage advice myself, I do appreciate it when I get it delivered. And by ‘get it delivered’ I mean snarfing like an f’ing pig and loving every bite.

So here’s the deal: like the genius I am, I said to myself “self, prime rib is great, but let’s take a little look-see at the menu; maybe there’s a filet mignon or something that might catch my eye”. Wrong. Dude it’s the House of PRIME RIB. This is not Morton’s. Or Harris’. Or Ruth Chris’.

So the question becomes: “How big of a big fat pig do I want to make out of myself tonight eating prime rib at House of Prime Rib?” Hmmm. That almost sounds like ‘How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? Oh well, maybe it’s just me!

Anyhoo, back to the In-N-Out vibe. And here’s a little side-factoid for y’all: HOPR was established in 1949; INOB was established in 1948. So who actually copied whose (or whom’s) Mission Statement? We’ll let the attorneys sort that one out.

And by INOB vibe, I only mean focus, not ambiance. This place is full-on steak house. BIG huge space, big bar with lotsa alcohol (except no Hangar One Vodka:( and big booths with red pleather and those Queen Anne wing chairs. Kinda like Lazy Boys that don’t recline. I would swear there hasn’t been an update here since the original ’49 opening, but she’s still holding her own. Kinda like Sophia Loren…5 years ago before that botched plastic surgery. Follow me?

So what the hell do they serve?!? you ask: Here we go: Ya got 4 cuts to choose from:

• The City Cut, a ‘smaller cut’ at $34.45
• House of Prime Rib Cut, the house cut, at $36.85
• The English Cut, the house cut size, but in thinner slices, at $36.85. YUM
• King Henry VIII (that’s 8, for some of you), which I think speaks for itself, at $39.85
• The also have a Children’s dinner, but WTH cares about those sniveling little bastards anyway? Give ‘em a juice box and tell ‘em to pipe down..

Do you get the same twitch I do? Hmmm? About the pricing above? I mean I $5.50 delta between the lowest and highest price point? HOPR, add $5 to the top end and make some extra profits baby! Or (clutch your pearls) lower the City Cut a buck or three. You get my drift.

Then we have the sides:

• Tossed salad (watch out, they drown this stuff in dressing)
• Creamed spinach
• Creamed corn
• Taters – either baked or mashed
• Yorkshire pudding. I ate this and still have no idea WTF it is!

So I ordered the English Cut (rare), drowned salad and spinach. Our buds ordered random other things – the Henry, corn, blah blah. Whatever. So the cool thing is no matter what you order this dude rolls up with a  magical cart that Steve Wozniak may have invented and serves you table side. This cart has everything hot and ready to go – all the meat, veggies, sides, all-in-one. Dig it!

The verdict? The meat was dead-on rare to order, the spinach was awesome, the warm bread and butta were dangerous, and the Yorkshire pudding was strangely delish. And check this: they have 4 different horseradishes: light/creamy, regular, wasabi-hot (my fave) and root. This meal is solid, people. No doubt about. But us? Then we went in for Cremé Bruleé which showed up in a skillet. Rock on, HOPR. And if you want to add even more cellulite to your ass, you can get FREE seconds of the meat!

So if you’re hankerin’ for the rib, don’t shortchange your cheap ass. Buck up and hit the HOPR life is short! I give HOPR a solid 8.5 outta 10, if you are maniacally into prime rib. Mange!

VdV Rating: 3.5

Hours:
Monday – Thursday 5:30 – 10:00
Friday 5:00 – 10:00
Saturday 4:30 – 10:00
Sunday 4:00 – 10:00 (open early for the blue hairs!)

House of Prime Rib
1906 Van Ness Avenue (@ Washington)
San Francisco, CA
(415) 885-4605

steak