An Open Letter to K&L Human Resources

Dear K&L HR,

It's me. Your favorite Mystery Shopper. I don't ask for a dime. Just your consistent, enduring snobbery. And for that I thank you. Hell, what else would I jabber about?!

Sooo. Time stamp this one K&L HR: Friday July 18 3:19-3:27 PM PST. SOMA branch. No one can buy a mixed case faster than me! Especially because no one ever bothers to interrupt me to see if I need help! Or bothers with idle chit-chat at the checkout line. Time-suckers like 'Hi there", "Did you find everything OK" and "Thanks, come again" are so superficial and they downright invade my personal space. Glad you understand. If I ever have to visit Stalingrad I'll come here first for some immersion training.

So why, with all this bitching, do I pull out a baseball statistic ".500" for today's visit? Well, 'cuz one person was quite friendly and one was a dismissive prick. That's why.:) Hey, you asked.

So, back to you, HR: You have a slightly older gentleman that was working this shift. Gray/white hair, spectacles, and a beard...Holy crap you hired Santa Claus! Oh. Nevermind. That was silly. Anyhoo this guy was very nice, asked if he could help me and created a less-than-icy situation at the check out. 'Cuz the dude that rang me up - back to physical descriptions here.

BTW HR, why don't you make your people wear name tags?! It'd be so much easier! Hmmm, maybe a symptom of a deeper issue...Well, enough of my armchair psychiatry. So the checker whisked in (no one was behind the counter), didn't even look at me or utter a word, and just started ringing up the bottles. 'Robotic' comes to mind. Oh yeah, the physical description! Ha. Lost myself for a second. Tall, 'bout 6' I'd guess, mid-30's, spends too much time getting that hair coiffed, little earring in the right lobe. Oh, one last detail I almost forgot. Gender = male. That may help you nail it down.

But like Santa swooping down on a snowy rooftop to bring cheer to the kiddies, your star employee that previously offered help came right over, discussed the wines and foods they went with as he was boxing them (although he fell kinda silent when he saw the $9 bottle of Bogle) and...wait for it...offered to help lug it out to the car! Kudos, nice person without a name tag so I cannot give you real props!

Two takeaways today, HR:
1) As I have asked before, talk to Finance and free up a few bucks for a couple more mini-shopping carts. It will have a positive ROI.
2) Batting .500 might earn ya  a Ty Cobb award in baseball, but it's a pretty crappy standard for a business!

Comments

[Jon Wollenhaupt]

I concur will all your comments and can confirm that my experiences at the SOMA K&L have been nearly identical. The staff is impersonal, and has made me feel as if they could give a baboon’s testicle if I ever come back. I think they secretly hope you don’t. Seemingly, they suffer the same I-am-better-than-my crappy-retail-job malady that afflicts clerks in boutique bookstores (Think Black Oak Books in Berkeley). At least the bookstore types suggest they are enduring a ten buck per hour retail job as a layover on the road to joining some subset of the cognitive elite, whereas the crew at K&L have found their endgame and are enduring the cruel career cul-de-sac called “nowhere else to go”. Well, that’s not my problem. Would it kill these people to show some slight gratitude when I drop $5k in their store on behalf of a client? Hasn’t happened yet and I’m not holding my breath. K&L management might as well get rid of all the clerks and make the place an automated, scan & pay, check-your-own-ass-out store. Who could tell the difference?