VinDivine - Living it Up John & Janine Style

Flying tips from J&J

So we just got in from a marathon flight from JFK to SFO on Virgin America. JHC the jet stream musta been in overdrive it seemed like 6 1/2 hours. Plus it took off about an hour late to boot. Anyhoo, I'm not gonna  whine about all the cheap overpriced wine we drank. Not even gonna whine about the one-armed old man sitting next to me that asked me to 'buckle him in' every time he returned to his seat. Hell I'm not even gonna whine about the TVs being on the fritz during the Italy-Spain match on the way out. Nope. No sirree. That's not what you're here for.

We love Virgin America. Not as kick-ass as Virgin Atlantic, but then again they don't require that you fly into Heathrow either. Virgin America is the new 'Blue', and it's the first time we cheated on Blue to get from Sf to NY. Cool mood lighting, awesome entertainment mod called Red, and dirt cheap to boot! Groovy experience all-in-all. So we have not one, but TWO tips for you today!

1. Seating: Yeah you can score pretty cheap 1st class sometimes, but whatever. It's easy to see those when you book online. We're gonna tell you where NEVER to sit. Ready for it?? Row 8. Holy crap what a agonizing experience. I mean, I'm only 5' 8" and a buck-fifty and I felt like human origami trying to fit. My tall drink o' water babe Janine was folded up like a yoga instructor. It's just before the first exit row, so the seats don't recline, you get zero legroom in that part of the plane anyway, PLUS row 7 basically reclines onto your lap. And not in a sexy way.
2. Food: I dig you can order whenever you want. Cool beans. Get the Turkey-Bacon wrap (mmmm) and the Antipasti plate. Both killer for plane food.
3. There is no three! If you were reading before, I said two!

Well that's it for now, sorry for the random post but I had to get that off my chest!

The Alcoholics Guide To Austin

I mean, why else would anyone visit this barren, Bush-infested hellhole of a state if not for Austin?! Wird. One of the J's actually did some time here (no, not in a prison lock down or in Waco, it was semi-voluntary) a few years back so We Speak From Experience. As y'all know, bitches!

Anyhoo, so we had a decision to make last weekend - I was in L.A. and the the other J was in Austin, we're both yip-yappin' in front of people about our respective bidnesses. People actually pay us for that stuff (as opposed to our VdV gig...look for a Tip Jar soon). So, do we stretch the  weekend in smelL-A or George Bush's backyard? I can almost smell your anticipation...and your disgust as I say...and my disgust as I smell your anticipation (eww)...yippee kiy yay Mo-Fo we mosied on in to Austin! Yee Haw! Texas that is, big hair, fake boobs, flop sweat and fortunately home to an oasis called Austin.

But I'm tellin ya here and now, as gospel..AUSTIN ROCKS. This town is the f'ing bomb! Holy crap. We LOVE IT HERE. And it wasn't even SXSW or Austin City Limits. This was just a typical kiln-hot weekend. That's all. I mean, some of the most friendly and cool peeps, sun, tons o' (air conditioned) bars and...oh yeah that live music scene. Jesus H Christ.

So let's break it down. We want to make sure you don't make a wrong turn and waste any timing lookin' when ya could be drinkin'! This is a loooong post but like they say, everything's bigger in Texas! So here's the 411 on the 512:

• Stay: The Driskill (until the W opens in a couple years in the warehouse district). 2 words - Old School Texas. For lack of a better word, 'Grand' comes to mind. Not really J&J's style but it's nice, located right off 6th (read: New Orleans-ish party street) and supposedly occupied by ghosts! Hard as I tried though I couldn't scare one up.
• Breakfast: B'fast?! Like we get up in time! Room service, sucka!
• Lunch: Now we're talkin'! Hit Cantina Laredo for some scrump-dili-ishous tex mex. Try the Botanas Platter (we're usually not platter people but this is all killer no filler) loaded with yummy stuff including Pork tacos, chicken quesadilla, chili con queso (mmmm...cheese) stuffed jalepeños and beef, shrimp and veggie skewers. Christ that's a mouthful even to say! And it's only $14 to boot. Also good, the Soft Tacos and...you guessed it that's why we ate lunch here both days, the Chips & Salsa! Oh yeah, and they mix a kick-ass 'rita (even 5 or 6!)
  
• Drinks: (Most of these are located off 4th in the cool, hip little-more-upscale area than 6th street)
  
  • For solid live blues, hit the classic in Austin, the Continental Club baby! Small, dark (and I don't think ya want to be there when the lights come on if you get my drift) bar with a little bit of dancing room. Awesome. We saw the Blues Specialists, they kicked ass. This place isn't in the WHD, it's just across the river.
  • Screw Texas, wanna taste of Havana? Check out Cuba Libre for a cool vibe, pretty people and a killer Mojito!
  • Molotov. Well, how can you not go to a place with a cool name like that?!  Funny thing is, a friend of a friend of mine called me and gave me a couple insider places to go - he mentioned this place, but I thought he said Mullet Top. What a retard. I wondered why the taxi driver gave me such a weird look when I told her to take me there. Fun night spot, groovy and modern. Ask for Brian he's the owner and super-cool dude, we had a couple shots with him. And I like the little molotov cocktail that follows your mouse pointer around on the website - I just couldn't figure out how to throw it! And when you go, get a Molotov t-shirt. And get one for me too, size M, I spaced out and forget to buy one.
  • For a rat-pack classic vibe you have to hit Belmont. We love love loved this place. It's only a couple years old but you would swear that Sinatra prolly hung there. Dark, retro-clubby, and A/C that'll freeze your nipples off. I can't even count how many Vodkas we downed at this place - go! Ask for Dave he was awesome.
  • Ya gotta give props to Lance A., so hit Six Lounge. This is a cool warehous-ey spot in the...you guessed it...in the warehouse district!
  • Hey let's make our way around the world, eh? Cuba, Mexico, Vegas retro, Russia, and now...Ireland! Hit Fado one of the most authentic Irish pubs I've caught a buzz in for a long time. This place is insane, I think they actually brought pieces of 3-4 different Irish pubs over on a barge and re-assembled them here. Get a Guinness of course!
• Supper (that's what they call it down here). We scored both nights.
  
  • Some of the best sushi ever at Uchi. "WTF, you proclaim? Are you on crack? Austin is landlocked!" Noper, and we were kinda skeptical as well. But we rolled them dice and god damn if we didn't come up boxcars. It's a Japanese Fusion style place, very hip, full 'o pretty people. Sleek, dark design and the chef is an Iron Chef winner I think. Awesome, creative rolls, excellent sashimi, and what rocked Janine's world? Wagyu Beef 'Sushi'! Woo Hoo!
  • Visiting Texas without eating BBQ is like...well...nothing comes to mind right now but you get it. And Lambert's Downtown BBQ serves up some killer BBQ! What'd we pig out on? Spicy Deviled Eggs, Green Chile Cheese Grits (mmmm, grits!), then we moved on to Oak-smoked Maple Crusted Pork Ribs and Oak-smoked Achiote & Lime Rubbed Chicken. Dessert? No f'ing way!

• Sideshow: It gets a tad hot down in these parts, and the cool thing is there's rivers and lakes everywhere. The place we like? Barton Springs. It is literally a mile or so from downtown Austin, and is an awesome place to hang out and dip into some ice-cold H2O.
• Shopping: Hells yeah, this is a complete blog post!
• Hip duds for guys and chicks at Estilo, in the warehouse district. I scored HUGE with some Modern Amusement stuff all 40% off! Yeowsa. Janine didn't make out quite as well, but it's about time more places carry cool guy's stuff!
• Mellow Jonnhy's! Even if you're not in the market for a bike, stop by Lance's other spot and pick up an uber-cool Mellow Johnny's T!

OK, if that doesn't keep y'all busy and buzzed for a couple days, we're scared! Oh yeah, a big +: JetBlue flies direct from SFO!

Orbit In - Palm Springs

Aloha! Mahalo! Or as Janine would prefer to say, Manolo (as in Blahnik for all you Birkenstock-wearing shoe haters). Nope we're not in Hawaii, kittens. We are in Palm Springs, but it kinda has that feel. 'Cept for that whole 'being surrounded by water' part that is. Anyhoo, it is hot here, and it is hot in Hawaii. So shut your pie hole and just read.

So, we snuck down here to Palm Springs for a couple days of heat and R&R, as we've both been hittin' it hard lately (and I'm not talking the bottle). If you haven't been here, the rumors are true. No not that one about the heat. That's not a rumor. It gets kiln hot here. Think Old and think Gay. Yes there are plenty of old people, plenty of gay people, and plenty of old + gay people:

Bottom line, if ya can't deal, make your getaway plans for somewhere else, East Bay. Ha. Just joshin' with ya, all ya lovers from Concord, Walnut Creek, Pleasant Hell, I mean Hill, Oakland (oh yeah, don't wanna piss off any of my homies from o-town), and Stockton...wait a minute let's skip Stockton. Skip Fresno too.

This place is f'ing Fantabulous. J&J will put down roots in this barren, hell-hot oasis, mark my words. Now go make some money Janine! I mean P.S. is all about '50s rat-pack, mid-century modernism, hedonism and all those other good isms. It's an hour or so cheap flight from SFO, and...wait for it...your fave hotel snobs J&J stayed in a...oh god I can barely say or type it. Nope, contrary to our Modus Operandi, we didn't do a Viceroy or Palmer resie...we went Old School and WENT chillin' at the uber-retro-cool Orbit In, bitches! Think Roadside Motel, people. Think Sinatra and the Rat Pack. Think Twister! Think martinis and any beverage that needs to be poured out of a shaker.

That's right. What took us so f'ing long to grace this place with our presence?! Right off that bat, you fly into an outdoor airport. Then a $10 - 10 minute ride to downtown. Then check into a rockin' cool motel, which there are oodles of, but Orbit In takes it IMO. 8-9 rooms, we got a miniscule room but still doable. Everything centers around the cool pool and outdoor bar anyway. And they pump Sinatra bascially 24x7 by the pool.

So beside laying around the pool and getting hammered at the outdoor bar? Cruise the downtown strip, sucka! By day: old, tame and laid-back. By night: gay as a purseful of rainbows. Woo Hoo! We went to a tapas bar and the second the sun went down, we were smack-dab in the middle of an awesome drag show.

So people there is something here for anyone, except for rednecks. Is that not nirvana? 

Orbit In
562 West Arenas
Palm Springs, CA 92262
760-323-3585

Asian - Paris

This is classic. Not so long ago we visited our wonderful city of Paris (we lived here for a short period) and were asking our concierge at the Artus Hotel about this place cuz we couldn't remember the name of it!! No lie, "We're looking for the name of that cool Asian restaurant across from the George V Hotel". Uhhhh, maybe Asian?! Damn, fools we are.  We used to go here all the time when we lived here. It's got to be at least a decade old which says a bunch for a restaurant's life in Paris.

In the 'first impressions count' category, super hotties (both women and men, ladies and gents...or gents and ladies...whatever) greet you at the front door and escort you downstairs to the spacious, dark, attractive restaurant area. Odd, they have a "smoking" area and "non smoking" area with no partition. Hmmm. How does that work, again? BTW, we hear the Frenchies are picketing in the streets as we speak against a No-smoking ban that's supposed to take affect Jan 1. Hey, if it can happen in London it can happen anywhere!

This place has a super great layout. You walk through this uber cool bar area with an Asian jungle-like feel with palm trees and cool hidden nooks to hang. You need to walk through the bar to get downstairs to the restaurant, brilliant design. A bit cheesola? You can buy t-shirts at the bar...oh well. No, we didn't buy any. And I take offense to the question!

Everytime we've been there, the food comes out in record time...this time before the drinks which was weird...did they use some bizarre ESP to know what we wanted? Almost too fast, but we're not gonna whine. Very good spring rolls and some really amazing miso black cod. So tender you could eat it with a spoon. Seriously can't remember what else we had, but we licked the plate clean. Side note: They also serve up some great looking sushi, but it wasn't a sushi nite for 'ol J&J.

After din din go upstairs and people watch at the bar, and sip a $20 drink (I mean, SIP). One thing, it won't get going until at least midnight. Oh and if it's the one man show, he does some great Neil Diamond covers, yikes. That guy is definitely getting some cougar action!

Bottom line, the food has always been a solid 7 1/2, and along with the atmosphere, great service and hot employees, pushes it to an 8 1/2!

Asian
30 Avenue George V
75008 Paris
01 56 89 11 00

A Perfect Day in Paris

OK, next. Désolé pour le retarder. What was I writing about, anyway? Oh yes, The perfect day, Sunday, our second day, in Paris. Sweet Jesus. Let’s break it down, and preface it with pas de Musée de Louvré. Light on culture, let’s say. Heavy on tourisme français.

Let's break it down:

1) Early AM run on the Seine. Had the city to ourselves. Gorgeous. Ran past the Place de la Concorde and noticed they were settin' up for the finish of the Tour de France.

2) Nice breakfast in the Artus Hotel, where we mapped out our tourist strategy over eggs & patisserie, and...mimosas, of course.

3) OK, here’s where it starts. Wandered around Place Vendome and the fancy-shmancy jewelry shops... then off to the Opera House. Actually did a self-guided tour (very un-J&J-like). Gorgeous architecture. Chagall on the ceiling. Very nice.

4) Next stop - Montmare & Sacré Cour. Been here a hundred times when we lived here. Beautiful early 20th century church, looks very mosque-like actually. And Montmare has a great little square jammed with artists and...you guessed it...cafés to enjoy glass after glass of Bandol Rosé. It actually started absolutely pouring rain, like raining harder than you can imagine while we were there. So we took refuge under the awning of a cool café, ordered up some Poulet Roti and Bandol, and watched the action. Those artist-stall people Do Not Leave under any weather conditions!

5) Then, off to the 5th. The Latin Quarter, San Michel and home of the Sorbonne. Cool, bohemian spot, the 5th. Plus home to more Greek restaurants per square block this side of Athens.  And of course a couple glasses of rosé to quench our thirsts while we people watched outside of San Michel.

6) Next stop, the Tour Eiffel, of course. Never changes, but always cool. Damn. No places to grab a quick glass of vin! So we ran across the Seine by Diana’s bridge and found a cool outdoor spot, where everyone ogled our iPhones (they are not released in Europe yet).

7) Then we hit the Champs Elysees & caught the end of the Tour de Farce. Then a (long, 'cuz I took a wrong turn) walk home and a nappy.

8) Back up at 10PM. Drinks and then din din @ midnight at the Alcazar in the 6th, also the home of the A-Z bar, where we spent NYE 2001! More drinks and then home at 2. Ahh...I love Europe.

Next, hear about our crazy dinner with a famous actor!

An Awesome Paris Hotel Reco

Bon Jour mon ami! Wassup? So, we had a little biz to do in Paris (is that not cool?), and what’d ‘ol J&J do? Turn it into a long weekend, bien sur! Who mixes pleasure with business?! Bingo! Vindivine, suckas, and all for you.

Yes, kittens, we did of course start out the early early AM prior to our flight out to Paris, via the ATL of all places, by poppin’ a bottle of Dom. Doi. How fitting! (hint for the slowski's: french wine/french trip). And we especially needed the lubrication since we flew Smelta Airlines ‘cuz we cashed in our hard-earned AMEX points for some free biz-class tickets. Woo Hoo! But Delta BLOWS. Just take my word. Y’all want a crassant?’ Yuck. Tres miserablé. I mean, Atlanta-based business all suck in my opinion (including the Braves and the Falcons. Especially MICHAEL VICK, what an a-hole). ‘

Anyhoo, at risk of dragging this into the most agonizing  long (yet charmingly poetic) post ever, I’ll cut to the chase. Not one, but two juicy bits of yummy recommendations, served up fresh:

1) The VdV Insider’s tip on Where to Stay in Paris, and
2) A perfect day in Paris. HOLD THE HELL ON - This is gonna be way too long as it is, check for this in the next post!

Okey dokey. First, this ain’t no Las Ventanas crap we’re smackin’ your ass with. Not today. Not with the dollar at such measley, Canadian loonie-like rates as it is. This is a more practical VdV post. And the place to stay is…drumroll, please...the Artus Hotel! And it rocks. Hey, we know all the shwank, shnobby places in Paris that’ll gobble up your dough – Bristol, George V, Hotel de Crillon, yada yada. Pass! Go boutique, people. But that's tough too - lotsa 'boutique' joints are the size of a sardine can with the sounds of hookers fighting out in the alley all night long. And even in French, it starts losing its romantic luster after 3AM. So we were happy happy with Artus. 

The Artus is located right off the Saint Germain and Rue di Buce. In the 6th arroindissment, which is the best area - tons of outside cafés, cool narrow little side streets with shops, Saint Germain, loaded with restaurants and great shopping, Luxembourg Gardens, you name it.

Anyway, we arrived early, right around 10 AM, feeling appropriately greasy and grimy after 14 hours in the air. Desperately wanting a shower, shall we say. Pepe LePeu. But check in isn't until 3PM. We were a little freaked on the taxi ride in.  But our man, Sanjay, already had a room ready for us! Woo Hoo! He actually looked at the little form where I said 'early arrival'. 

And a great room at that -  good sized room by French standards, prolly almost 300ft or so, nice large marble bathroom & shower (yea!), flat screen TV, large armoire, super cool. Great, friendly service, even when we blew out the power in 1/2 the city with our American hair dryer! And shockingly quiet, esp on the back side of the hotel. Only 220 Euros per night, fully loaded (taxes incl.) + a scrumptious breakfast to boot. The only knock – 10 Euros PER HOUR for WiFi! I mean, per day maybe, but per hour?! So we ended up surfing from our snazzy new iPhones which ended up costing us over $2000 (more about that later - watch out when surfing and emailing internationally on your iPhone!)

Anyhoo, let's end on a high note - check out the Artus, you'll love it.

Hotel Artus
34 rue di Buci
Paris 75006
Tel: +33 1 43 29 07 20

Book online through Tablet Hotels - great international hotel selection and awesome service

Call the SPCA!

No, my little disciples, we didn't discover Fido parts in our chicken caccitore (thank god). And no, this is not the name of a hot new bistro on Jessie & Mint. It's short for the  Society for Prevention of Cruelty to Animals, I believe.

And no, this post is not about food, wine, restaurants or kick-ass travel destination,  That is, unless your version of  'hot dog' actually includes canine. But hey, don't sweat it...this isn't some heavy-handed weird shit we're tryin' to pull, either. This is VinDivine! Always wanting to put a smile on your pretty little faces. No guilt!

"Then just what is this about, for the love of Christ?!" you ask. Fair enough.  This is a little ditty about a great, kinda wacky, friend of ours who we wine & dine with, and a crackhead crazy Pug. Or is it a kinda wacky pug and our crackhead crazy friend? Who names a dog, Kat, in the first place? Hmmm.  I think we have our verdict.

Anyhoo, that friend of ours - who shall DEFINITELY remain nameless -  got a 10-week old puppy pug the other week (note - the photo above is just a likeness of the pug, in order to protect its true identity.). The verbatim excerpt below is a diary of sorts of a mad woman after 3 days of robo-pug motherhood. It is f'ing hilarious! Read on VdV'ers!

Wanna hear it? Here it goes:

***************Hysterical!   It’s been quite a week with Kat!  She broke out of her crate last nite (I got an new all wire smaller one for her)….I have no idea how she did it.  She can now also climb up the gate in front of the stairs since I rigged up the back entrance – she found another way up….and there she was to my amazement at my bedside upstairs in a matter of minutes.  Earlier in the eve I left her in the car for all of 10 minutes and she managed to shit, step in it and drag it around the entire backseat.  As soon as I opened the door she bolted out into the busy Safeway parking lot like a lunatic.   She’s really outrageous.  But the best was how she jumped out of the car window on Tuesday – I left her in there with the window obviously way too open and she managed to climb out…. the fall didn’t deter her from running into the street where luckily someone stopped her…..all this in a matter of minutes.  I think the Animal Control team is searching for me already.  Needless to say I am exhausted not much sleep happening.

Lessons learned:
- She really hates the car riding in it and staying in it with or without me
- She is definitely NOT potty trained yet regardless of what the breeder thinks
- She has supernatural powers
- She needs a padlock on her crate
- Hopefully she has 9 lives b/c 2 are already used up
- Give gate back to JP and replace with a 5 ft wall********

Never fear, we have checked in on the twosome several times and they do seem to be on the road to happiness. And we are confident...well, hopeful, that Kat will survive puppy-dom and live to a ripe old age.

Promise: Our next post will discuss some combination of food and or wine:)

Las Ventanas - The Experience

Buenos Dias! So here we are at the way cool Las Ventanas resort, at the tip of Los Cabos. We booked this place after seeing it online, wanting to stay away from the Cabos San Lucas. Not in the mood for 24/7 spring break, Senør Frogs, Cabo Wabo and all that. Maybe another time. Ha, for those who know us, prolly not. But…if our plane had to emergency land there, we’d find a way for a good time!

So only going to Mexico once, and to the Caribbean ‘Mexican Riveria’ side we figured this place would be an OK alternative, if only ‘cuz it takes about a full day less to jet down here. Certainly not as cool as the Playa del Carman area. Wrong-o!

Holy sh*t! It rocks here! Why, you beg? Well, let’s let ‘er rip...

The Experience

• It is dry. The Caribbean, love it as we do, is dripping humid. The weather here is unbeatable. Warm, dry, cool breezes at night and never too hot.

• I’ll say it now, and back it up. The ‘one & only Palmilla’ ‘Esperanza ‘and all you wannbes: Step Off. The LV kicks ass on y’all. Fight for Numero Dos.

• For starters, this place is just beautiful. Keeping with Mexican heritage but with a modern (not cutting-edge modern) edge. Awesome architecture and landscaping. Ya just inhale and take it all in. Has all the amenities and more. They think to put the TV remote next to the bed at night. And it was so awesome here we didn't even switch on the tube.

• The service is impeccable. I dunno what training program the seemingly thousands of workers here go through but it is outta control. Not too rehearsed, not forced, very genuine. Esteban, Eva, Cesar, Noberto, Amaya, and all of you – you rock!

• You want it? You think you want it? You think you think you might think you want it? OK I’m dizzy. Anyhoo, it’s already there. J&J wanna hire whoever trains this staff. At the gym, they're giving you cold Eucalyptus towels, at the pool, chilled Evian spray cans, when you walk in your room a kickin’ bottle of tequila and don't forget to call them when you leave your room to tell them what type of scent you want to be burning upon your return....yeah baby.

• The food. Yeah, there are still some that worry about Montezuma’s revenge or whatever the hell that was. I think that was our parent’s generation BTW, so let it go! Dang, gurl, the food here is awesome. How so? Well, Janine isn’t a fan of sushi or anything else raw. Closest is a very rare burger at a kick-ass restaurant. So, Ceviche?! R U kidding Me? Yep, Janine went right in for it, and we dined on damn near else everything on the menu of both rocking restaurants "The Restaurant" and the "Grill Bar" and loved it all. All fresh off the boat, or fresh from the field, whatever your liking. 

The Rooms

• Well, we didn’t exactly cheap out. And truth be told, you can’t cheap out here. I have no clue what the least expensive room is here, but if ‘cheap’ or ‘budget’ is in your vernacular for your next trip, quit reading now.

• We scored an ocean front double decker suite, note: not "ocean view", but "ocean front". Tricky wording but Yee Haw! We highly recommend one. But really all rooms here are gonna be awesome. But not as awesome as this one!!

• NOT prepared for 2 decks, a roof top sun-filled terrace to chill on and get serious sunburns (or stargazing) and one right off the room with an awesome cold or hot jacuzzi.

• Fireplace? Yup. We didn't use it but in the winter it gets down to a chilling 60 so wrap up in your cashmere and light it up!

• Fresh and complimentary bottle of Tequila when you open your door complete with fresh lime and salt? Giggidy!

• And if you want to spend and be obnoxious? Why not have a 60 inch TV on the beach with a private dinner for two? Why not...

Hell it's so great here even the Iguanas are filled with amoré -
and they didn't need a room!

The Rub

So, you cynical bastards. I know what you’re waiting for. “So what’s the rub?” Simple - this beautiful country, and its beautiful people, are bordered by the U.S.A. Yessir, the United States of Assholes. El Ugly Americanos. We are sorry, Mexico, for our a-hole tourists. All freaked out and thinking throwing tantrums and a few bucks at the staff entitles them to whatever they want. Want the gory details? Here we go:

Scene at the Pool

• Meatheads, too much time building the pecs, huge sunburns, not able to see their toes if they bent over. Breaking off Aloe plants to rub on their sunburnt backs as they squawk on their cell phones about their ‘big deal’ while IN THE POOL. With some pretty decent young eye candy bimbos. Bimbos, really? Why? Cuz...they hang out with those dicks. SHUT UP idiot! Get off the phone and chill! Folks, put down the cell phone at the pool. Text if you must.

• An investment banker smoking a cigar with this LOUD woman laughing at every last word he muttered. “Oh, Biff, you are so witty! Where did you study? At Exeter? Is that you I boffed in my dorm at Pine Manor?”

• About 4-5 old-ass dudes. I’m talking leather here, people. All with young hotties. Wait. I’m trying to find something wrong with that.

• And basically a bunch of people who think just ‘cuz they paid some dough to stay at this place can trample everyone else’s good time, diss the staff and be Cool. Hey you people, F-U.

• Swim-up bar? You betcha. Complete with the pasty corporate retreat gang from Houston. Someone sold enough cars last year!

But y’know what? As our friends @ LV politely reminded us, there are a-hole tourists in every culture (although we seem to have more per capita than anywhere else outside of Germany). So we just have to hope that Americans learn to be less dick-headed and in the meantime enjoy our holidays and connect with the locals.

We give the LV a hearty 9 outta 10. Ban the Americans and it might go to 10!
Las Ventanas Al Parasio

Las Ventanas - Tequila School & Celeb Sightings

Woo hoo! Did we just find our new fave hotel? I mean, it's kinda hard to stack up places in Manhattan or Paris against island & beach  locations but who cares? The LV rocks!

So what've we been up to? A whole lotta nuthin', that's what, people. This is one of those places that you arrive at and say "We're not leaving'" - no 'junkets into town', no 'visiting the ruins', no nothing. We don't wanna see the outside of this compound - except for our AM beach runs to sweat out the Tequila from the day before -  until we'll have to reluctantly drag our asses back to the airport.

Well, we would prolly go to visit a tequila distillery, but as we learned in Tequila School yesterday afternoon (we're always trying to expand our intellectual boundaries), of the 23 states that comprise Mexico, only 5 are approved to grow the blue agave and make it into 100% Tequila. And Baja is, unfortunately, not one of them. Hell, I didn't even know there were 23 states in Mexico!

And what would a VdV post be without a liquor-related recommendation? My two faves: the Don Julio 1942 Anéjo and the Clase Azul Reposado

Speaking of Tequila School...we had some pretty entertaining classmates with us, friends. And I guess, from a 'behind the camera' POV, we have Celeb sighting #3 under our belts in just our first 1 1/2 days down here. As you may recall, Celeb #1 - that cooky character known to some of you as Capt. James T. Kirk, others as T.J. Hooker, others as Denny Crain, and yet others as simply the 'Priceline guy', Bill Shatner himself (if I see him again I'm gonna ask him if he can get me a cheap ticket back to SF).

Then, later that day at dinner, we spied Celeb #2, known to me only as Suresh, the devilishly handsome Heros actor Sendhil Ramamurhty (with a pretty plain-jane date I might add). He did make a few "hey look at me, ask me for my a-graph" trips to the bathroom. No one bit.

But wait! They all pale in comparison to Celeb #3 (well, maybe if you are a fan of CSI). Which I have never watched, I'm more of a Law & Order fan. Wait for it...I can almost smell the anticipation...yes...it is...Anthony  Zuiker!! Who? The creator of the CSI Franchise, that's who. Sitting right next to us, enjoying the ceviché with blanco, reposado and anéjo tequilas with us. Hey I dunno about CSI but any tequila fan is a friend of mine.

Stay tuned we have two more star-studded days down here!

1995 Dom Perignon

Hola mi Amigos! Wait. I know our VdV fan base is  pretty darn quick witted. "Why oh why is VdV speaking to us in Spanish about a French Champagne?!" (I know wine snobs, 'French' and 'Champagne' are a bit redundant).

Well here's why, suckas: J&J needed some R&R. So we hit the road for San José del Cabo yesterday for a few days of debauchery at the rocking Las Ventanas al Paraiso resort, at the tip of Baja (look for a separate post or two coming up, complete with celeb sightings!)

And, I know you are waiting for it..."ok, A.D.D., what the hell does you schlepping your butts to Mexico have to do with the spectacular '95 vintage of Dom?" OK, now here's why: 'Cuz after we dragged our weary bods outta bed at 4:30AM so we could last-minute pack and get to our early morning flight, Janine and I once again confirmed yet another reason we've been together and blissful for 14 years - that little look, that raise of the brow, then that simultaneous blurt of 'DOM!'. What better way to start an OTT get away than popping an OTT bubbly at 5AM to get the party started?  Don't they say the palate is most pure in the early part of the day anyway?

First, the critics love love love this wine. Parker gave it a 94, Tanzer awarded it a 95 or so. Wait. First should be: Where the hell did we get this wine, anyway?! We certainly don't spend $175 on bubbly!! A gift, perhaps. Hmm, our friends don;t really give $175 gifts of bubbly....oh well.

This is an excellent champagne. You can tell just by looking at it in the glass. Great effervescence, with tiny, firm bubbles. Awesome aromas of light tropical fruits, lemon and vanilla. Tastes great too! Creamy, with delicate flavors of berries, dried fruit and a little toast. Great finish. Outstanding structure. really. And it should be remarkable at $175 a pop. So here's my take: if you can worm your way into enjoying some of this at a hoity party or super special occasion (like packing at 5AM), go for it!

Hey Jay-Z, I know you're lookin' for a new bubbly after that rat bastard at Rorderer Crystal smack-talked ya'll. Come on over to the Dom!